The 28 Weird Things I Admit as a Dog Owner

Every time I open my Facebook, I am bombarded by posts about dogs. And I love it! I recently came across and shared a post by Buzz Feed, listing the 35 weird things dog owners have secretly done. But on Marlee and Me Blog, there are no secrets. So, I have replied to 28 out of the 35 items mentioned. Continue below. I am not ashamed to be a dog obsessed owner, and neither should you.

1. Call your dog by a nickname more often than you use their actual name.

His name is Duke, but he is more commonly known to me as Dukie and Bubs. Zach likes to call him Batman, as you learned from a previous post why, and Scooter, after Scooter Crunch Bars, because he sure does love ice cream.

2. Have several varieties of that nickname that get weirder and weirder as time goes on.

Sometimes it is just Dukie, and other times it is Dukie Wookie – no idea where the Wookie part came from. Sometimes I even go as far as calling him Dukie Wookie the Cutie. Definitely gets longer and weirder, and trust me, Dukie Wookie the Cutie thinks it’s strange too.

3. Make up songs about your dog.

Oh, Zach and I love making up songs about Duke all the time. We have recently been singing the Batman theme song as he enters the room. Other than that, I like to sing “Dukie is a Cutie – With a little black Bootie. This is sung to the tune of the Jeepers Creepers song. Not sure why – they are definitely not similar. Anyway, I sing it all the time and have added in some appropriate dance moves.

4. Or put their name into songs that are already popular.

Instead of Brown Eyed girl, I like to sing Brown Eyed Dog. Very appropriate. Pretty much any song on the radio, I can change to be about Duke, and trust me, it happens often.

5. Lie on the floor to see what they would do if you fainted.

He sits on me. No, not beside me. On me. I think that is his way of showing love…at least I hope. Let’s just say, if I was actually in trouble, I don’t think sitting on top of me would be very beneficial, but hey, at least he tried.

6. Do a photo shoot of your dog every time they fall asleep.

I do a photo shoot of Duke every time he does anything, well accept pooping. I don’t document that. But yes, when he falls asleep, he is adorable, and I most definitely snap quite a few pictures. Until he wakes up and gives me that popular hate glare you see in some of his pictures.

7. Hold their paws because the paw pads are all squidgy.

I hold his paws when we are snuggled in bed at night. You know, just so he knows I am there.

8. Stare at them and wonder what they’re thinking…

Oh, all the time. He thinks I am a freak. Especially when I tear up thinking about how much I love him or how life before him or life after him was and will be meaningless. I am pathetic

9. …like if they KNOW you’re their owner…

Oh, he knows.

10. …and whether they like you.

He for sure loves me.
11. Feel offended if nobody asks to pet your dog when you take them out for a walk.

That never happens. He is a babe magnet.

12. Show them what they look like on your phone front camera.

He avoids looking at the camera at all costs. Unless there is a treat enticing him. People think he is photogenic, but they haven’t seen the “behind the scene” attempts.

13. Be shocked that they’re “nude” whenever you take their collar off.

Every night. Never gets old. He always looks so sad when his collar comes off. As if he isn’t owned anymore. Very dramatic.

14. Remember important milestones in your dog’s life better than you remember your own.

Oh, of course. I have this blog to thank for every event that we have documented. Notice I said “we,” as if Duke really writes some of the blog posts.

15. Flip your dog’s ears back and compliment them on their hairstyle.

Zach does this. He thinks it is hilarious. Duke, not so much.

16. Feel upset when your dog sits by someone else other than you.

Most definitely. I do everything for that dog, and the fact that he likes to snuggle up to Zach more in bed, is appalling. I think it is just because he makes a better pillow. Yea, we will go with that.

17. Point at the TV whenever dogs are on to see their reaction.

Oh yea. He loved watching “The Secret Life of Pets” with me and “A Dog’s Purpose,” where I just bawled my eyes out on his fur, acting like Duke was all emotional too. He wasn’t, He was just sleeping.

18. Think every dog that’s the same breed as yours could be a distant relative.

Nope, Duke is one of a kind. No one is as cute as him or as great as him.

19. Say “bless you” when they sneeze.

Yes, I have to be an example to him of how you have manners. He can’t grow up to be rude. Plus I like to say “Oh my, you are sleeeeepy,” every time he yawns.

20. Avoid getting up to do something because it would mean your dog has to move from their comfy position.

It’s the most heart breaking thing. Don’t do it. Just don’t move…EVER!

21. Ask to be put on the phone to your dog when you’re away from them.<div

I try to facetime him all the time. He never knows what is going on.

22. Try to trick your dog when they won’t give you the ball during fetch, by acting like you don’t want it anyway.

Nope. All I have to do is bend down and stare into his sweet eyes. He drops it right away.

23. Feel proud when your dog pees outside even though they’ve been housetrained for ages.

You always have to be the proud parent. Plus he gets a treat every time. Man, he pees like a hose though!

24. Say that your dog “made a friend today” every time they spend more than 10 seconds with another dog.

Or will the little girl Emma who brings him milk bones every time we walk.

25. Drop a little bit of food on the floor and debate whether you should clean it up or let your living-vacuum dog get to it first.

There is no debate. He gets anything that drops. Heck, he gets food even when it doesn’t drop. Plus, he doesn’t really give you a choice. He attacks it before you can think about cleaning it up.

26. And talk to them in a baby voice that you’d be embarrassed if anyone else ever heard.

I am not embarrassed. Zach, doesn’t like it.

27. Put off a socialising thing because you’d rather be at home with them.

This may or may not be true… Okay, it’s true.

28. And call your dog a baby no matter how old and big they get.

He is my baby. Always will be.

Now come on – all you dog owners have some things to confess. I would like to hear some of your responses to this. Please share. We can laugh with each other and at each other, all at the same time.

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July Fourth: Pee Indepantis Day

I went somewhere last night where no dog has ever went before.

Well, I may be exaggerating slightly -okay, I am exaggerating a lot. Plenty of dogs have been to this place willingly. Heck, some dogs even love this place. Me, not so much. This place is like my own personal Hell.

Throw a treat in there. Still not entering. Throw my toy in there. Still not going in. Not even a white paw will grace the floor of this place.

Trust me, I’ve been in this place before. I’ve been drug in against my will. What happens after being forced in this place, well I just can’t speak of that. It is horrible. No dog should ever have to experience that level of torture. Even thinking about my past experiences in there gives me night terrors. I haven’t been able to sleep fully since that horrid day.

So what happened last night that was horrible enough to make me enter Hell, you ask. The end of the world was happening – that’s what. Well, I actually heard my mom and dad say something about how it was Independence Day, and the world was celebrating the country’s freedom with what they call fireworks. But those sounds sure didn’t sound like freedom to me, and why would  you celebrate something by setting the sky on fire. I clearly remember reading something about that in the Bible, and trust me, it didn’t end well for some people.

To me, it sounded like there were bombs going off. The bright lights were piercing the blackened sky. It was like a war zone out there. I thought the government was coming after me for my recent transgressions – I had killed three more birds within two days. Anyway, let’s move on.

I literally saw my life flash before my eyes. Well, it could have been the fireworks flashing before my eyes, but that is besides the point. It was horrifying.

And worst yet, I was alone. Not completely alone, but alone in the bedroom. Mom was in the shower and dad was taking the trash out.

There was nowhere to hide. There was no one around to hold me, so I did the only thing I could think of to do in that moment…

I went into the bathroom!

Remember how I said earlier how not even a little white paw would grace that place. Well my whole body graced that place last night.

I ran through the cracked door and huddled on the black rug near the sink. I still tried to maintain a safe distance away from the bathtub and the shower.

My mom didn’t even know I entered the room. That is how stealthy I was about it. You know, just in case she got any awful ideas to force me in the shower for a bath. No thank you. Plus, I made sure to lay on the solid black rug, that way I would camouflage to it. I was like a chameleon.


She stopped the water and stepped out of the shower. She was on her way out of the door, when she saw something black out of the corner of her eye. At first, she thought it was either a black towel that fell or even the colony of bats that have been living up in the attic recently. But that is another story for another day.

When she looked over, and saw me laying on the bathroom floor, she just started laughing, which in my opinion, was kind of rude. I was only trembling in fear. I think she just thought it was funny that I was actually in the bathroom willingly – that had never happened, ever, and probably will never happen again. Well, unless they decide to celebrate freedom again next year – I sure hope not. Listen, I am not anti freedom. I love freedom. I am just anti celebrating freedom with bright bombs blowing up in the sky for apparently human entertainment. You humans are weird.

Eventually, she leaned down to hug me, kiss me, and comfort me. I finally felt safe.

We both walked back into the bedroom, and that is where I stayed the rest of the evening. Getting loved by my humans. Well, at least until they kicked me off of the bed to sleep.

The moral of this story: Bathrooms are terrifying, but when the world is coming to an end due to fireworks, sometimes the bathroom is your only place to hide.

To my Mom on Mother’s Day

I remember crawling into your bed at just five years old. The thunder was cracking, the lightning was flashing, and I was scared. But as soon as I crawled into your arms, and you held me tight, the fear suddenly diminished. I felt safe next to you. This was even before the tornado came.

About two years passed, and suddenly we found ourselves huddled in the corner of our basement, under covers, praying for our lives. But just like you had done two years ago, you held on to us kids so tight. You refused to let anything happen to us. You made us feel safe. And even though it was scary and traumatizing, we made it through that night. We lost every material thing, but in the big scheme of things, that didn’t matter much. We still had each other, and that is all we needed.

The years after the tornado were tough on me. I had nightmares after nightmares. But when I had one of those nightmares, and I woke up in a panic, I knew where I could find my comfort. I would slide out of my bed, tip-toe across the house, and crawl in your bed next to you. You always knew why I was there. You would tell me it was okay, and you would hold me in your arms. And for the rest of the night, I would feel safe.

Then there were the times that I was sick. I am sure I would have recovered the same in my own bed, in my own room, but that wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted to be with you. You would make me hot tea, Vicks me up, tuck me under your covers, and there we would lay, watching Lifetime movies, until we both fell asleep. I was in your arms. I felt safe and the sickness suddenly disappeared.

There were also the heartbreaks. I know you remember each one vividly. They broke your heart almost as much as they broke mine. And I didn’t even need to ask you – you already knew. You told me to come over to  your room, and there I would stay, crying with you, talking to you, watching Lifetime movies with you, until we finally both fell asleep. I was in your arms. I felt safe, and the heartbreak suddenly started to disappear.

But it wasn’t just the scary, sick, or sad times that I would spend with you. There were nights, that I just wanted to be with my mom, the woman who raised me, loved me, and inspired me. So I would come over to your room, we would lay in the bed, eating popcorn and drinking Pepsi, watching Lifetime movies, until we would fall asleep. I was in your arms. I felt safe, and I felt unconditionally loved.

You have always been there to hold me when I needed you most. You first held me in your arms 25 years ago, as I took my first breath. In that moment, there was so much love, so much joy, and so much safety. I knew from that first minute on, that you would always be there to hold me, and you have never let me down.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom – I love you.

 

To my Master’s Graduate 

You graduate tonight.

Oh, what an accomplishment that is.

You spent four years going for  your Bachelors in Education. You studied hard, stressed a lot, but succeeded of course. You tried finding joy in teaching. You tried finding happiness in that career for about a year, but you were unsatisfied. You knew you were made for greater things. Everyone around you knew you were made for greater things. God knew you were made for greater things.

After some thinking and a lot of praying, you decided to head back to school for yet another two years. You wanted your Masters in School Counseling. You wanted to help people.

God clearly showed you your path, and you took it, without hesitation.

I am so proud of you. Not only that, I look up to you. I may be a minute older, but you are so  much wiser. Not only that, you are beautiful from the inside out, which is something I always knew. Anyone who knew you or even just met you, could see that beauty shining through.

That beautiful soul is one reason you were made to help people. You listen to people, without judgment. You care about people, even when they try to make it impossible. You love all people, even if they aren’t like you.

Thinking about watching you walk across that stage tonight to get your second diploma, brings tears to my eyes. I can’t think of anyone more deserving of recognition. I couldn’t be more proud of my twin sister, my best friend, my soul mate. I love you more than I can even describe.

And it is just the beginning for you, because I know you are destined for great things. More importantly, God made you destined for great things.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

You have such a bright future, my beautiful sister. God gave you that hope, so that one day, you could give hope to others.

So as you walk across that stage tonight, hold your head high and smile the biggest smile you have ever smiled, because you have accomplished something great. When you hear all that applause, know that you deserve it. Everyone sitting around you tonight watching, can see that beauty shining so bright, just like the ones who love you the most have always seen.

Congratulations twin sister – I love you so much!

He Didn’t Need His Eyes to Love Me. 

My owner could not see me, but he could feel me. 

He could feel me pull him forward when the pedestrian walk light turned on to cross the street. He could feel me pull him left, to head over to his favorite coffee shop for his morning bagel and latte. He could feel me pull him right, when it was time to go back home. 

I was my master’s eyes. He relied on me to keep him safe. To direct his way. To make sure he got from place to place on time and unharmed. It was a tough job, but I was glad to do it.

However, I wasn’t only there for guidance, I was there to comfort. I was there to show him love and dedication also. 

So once again I say : my owner could not see me, but he could feel me. 

He could feel my soft fur run under his palms and fingertips as he stroked me from the bed, as he prepared to end his day. He could feel my tender licks, as I kissed his cheek or hand to let him know I was around if he needed me. He could feel my wagging tail to ensure him that I was content being with him and happy to help him. 

After all, I wasn’t just there for guidance, although that was my main job. I was there to be his companion – to be his friend. I was there for him to rely on. I was there to show him love. 

To me, there was nothing different about my master. No, he could not see me with his eyes, but he could touch me with his hands. He could kiss me with his lips. He could sooth me with his voice. He could see me with his soul. He didn’t need his eyes to love me. 

I wasn’t just there to guide him. I was there to show him unconditional love, and in return, I got unconditional love back. 

Today is National Guide Dog Day. Isn’t it amazing that a canine is someone that can guide a blind person through every turn of their life. They are truly spectacular creatures. 

Happy National Guide Dog Day! Your jobs are tough, but you are appreciated and loved. 

Two Years.

Today is my adopt-a-versary. My gotcha day. However, I’m sure you all knew that already. I’m sure you had it marked in your calendars since last year. I mean, it isn’t as big as Martin Luther King Day or Christmas, but come on people, it’s pretty high up there. At least top five. Oh and by the way, I am still waiting on the gifts and cake to start rolling in.
So of course there had to be a blog post about this monumental holiday. But, instead of being all sappy, and making everyone cry hysterically with how sweet and corny I can be, I decided to make everyone slightly chuckle instead. Yes, I do enjoy a good laugh.

A lot has changed in two years. I’ve gotten better looking (if that is even possible), more witty (of course), a little more tender (don’t tell anyone I said that; I don’t want to ruin my bad-ass image), and more comfortable and content with life. Let’s face it, my life is way better than yours. My mom and dad are way cooler than yours. In general, everything about my life is pretty amazing. Well most things are amazing – we still have that whole bath situation to sort out.

Anyway, I figured I would compile a list of 15, because that seems to be a good number. A list of the 15 things I have learned in my two years of being adopted. So continue on…

  1. All dogs literally hate the mailman. This is not just true in movies. It is very accurate in real life. I think they are some sort of terrorist, or maybe they just smell like bacon. I haven’t decided yet. Either way, I would bite my mailman’s arm off if I was loose when they arrived.
  2. Pretending you’re scared of getting your nails trimmed at Pet Smart is the best way to get attention, from both your parents and strangers. All you have to do is start whining slightly and add in a little tremble for extra effect, and a second groomer will just come over to you, just to hug you until it is over. Come on people, I am not that big of a baby. I just want the extra love. Plus, your mom and dad will feel so guilty afterwards, that you will either get a bone or a vanilla ice cream dish. It’s a win-win.
  3. Human food is way better than dog food, and if you give the dopey-eyed look long enough, you will definitely get some of your human’s dinner. And you know what I think – I think that chocolate isn’t actually toxic to us dogs. I think humans just tell you that so they don’t have to share.
  4. No matter how hard you beg, or how many times you put it on your Santa list, you will never get out of getting a bath. I will forever hate this time of the month, but shaking all of my wet, dog fur onto my dad afterwards, makes it semi tolerable. 
  5. Lounging on the couch is only acceptable when I am at my grandparents’ house or dad is not home. But as soon as Marlee gets the call that Zach is heading home from work, I jump off the couch and the lint roller comes out. Shhh, don’t tell Zach our secret. 
  6. Squeaky toys are the best. I used to never be into toys, but after getting the BarkBox every month, I have grown to love all toys. I will sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and start squeaking and tossing my toy up in the air. It’s mostly for my personal enjoyment, but I also get a kick out of watching mom and dad wake up wondering what the heck is going on.
  7. You feel like a new man every time you take a poop. I guess it is like a load taken off of you – pun intended. But seriously, every time I relieve myself, I bolt into the house full force and start throwing my toys all over the living room. Maybe it’s my way of telling Marlee there is a fresh pile for her to clean up.
  8. When you are named after your dad’s favorite college basketball team, you will be forced to wear a t-shirt every game for good luck. I just learn to accept it. And warning, there will be family photos involved.
  9. I know I am not supposed to lay on the mattress when the bedding is being washed, but that never stops me. Marlee loves it when my black fur gets all the over the white mattress pad.
  10. Cuddling with Marlee and Zach at night is the best part of my day. Zach makes a great pillow, full of fluff, and Marlee makes the best snuggler.
  11. Running away, even as just a game, isn’t worth it. When I first was adopted, I used to get loose and have Zach and Marlee chase me for hours. Now, if I get loose, I just lay down on the grass in defeat and wait for them to come grab me. Mostly because life anywhere else wouldn’t be as great as the life I have with them, and partially because Zach spanks hard.
  12. I will forever be between the ages of 4-6. Marlee and Zach do not know my exact age, so anytime they are asked, they always say 4-6 years old. They have been saying that for two years now. I guess I am like Edward Cullens and won’t ever age.
  13. Barking at any stranger or dog that walks past me is my favorite thing. I get a kick out of watching them jump a little.
  14. Sometimes all you need to make the day better is a little bit of porch sitting with the family. Plus when you’re out there at the front of the house, you feel like the King of the neighborhood. 
  15. Being with a family, who loves you as much as Marlee and Zach love me, is pretty awesome.

So yea, life for the past two years has been nothing short of fantastic. I am one lucky dog. I am loved. Everything is okay in my world, well except for the bath situation, but like I said before, I don’t think that is changing anytime soon.

Now, I am going to enjoy the Burger King cheeseburger meal that I got for dinner, while wearing my crown, because I am the King.
 

Lick Those Chops 

I absolutely love finding new crockpot recipes to try out on my days off. There is nothing better than prepping for dinner in the morning, and having the rest of the day to get other tasks done, while your dinner is simmering in the slow cooker. It takes a little stress out of the day.

Tuesday was such a nice day, so I wanted to take advantage of the sunshine. I put the ingredients in the crockpot on low, threw a few loads of laundry in, and decided to treat myself and Duke to a three mile walk. I didn’t have to worry about getting back in a hurry to prep and cook dinner. I could take my time and just enjoy the day. 

And there are a ton of beautiful, sunny days ahead, as we continue with Spring and merge to Summer. So, I am going to share with you a crockpot recipe that is easy, delicious, and will give you the time to enjoy the sunshine.


 Serves 8 | Prep Time 5 Min. | Cook Time 7 Hours

Ingredients : 1/2 cup light brown sugar | 1/2 cup ketchup | 1/4 cup soy sauce | 3 tablespoons Sriracha | 1 teaspoon minced garlic | 1 teaspoon pepper | A dash of salt |3 pounds of boneless pork chops | 1/4 cup cornstarch | 1/4 cup of water

Directions : Add all ingredients, except for the pork chops and corn starch, to the slow cooker. Stir ingredients to mix. | Add in pork chops and cover  both sides in mixture. |Cook on low for six hours. | Add in slurry of cornstarch and water. | Cook and additional hour.

Now, go enjoy your walk. You’ll be ready to lick those chops when you get back in!