JoJo’s season of The Bachelorette just ended, and with that, so did the Baby Bachelorette. They both made their choices after weeks of laughs, agonizing tears, meat trays, and of course roses.
But just because those two ended, doesn’t mean my journey to find love has to stop. In fact, I’m here to tell you, that the Canine Bachelor, featuring me, Duke, is in full swing.
So how would my season of the Canine Bachelor go…
Stay tuned. You’re about to find out.
First off, we would get rid of those red roses. They mess with my allergies. Instead, I would switch them out for a rose shaped piece of bacon. Keeps the women happy and satisfied, which will only keep me happy and satisfied (if you know what I mean).
We would also do away with the cock tail parties. 1. I’m not old enough to drink and 2. my mother would kill me. Plus no one wants to deal with those sloppy drunks – too much drama. Instead, we would have a cake tail party. Full of lots of sweets and lots of tail (insert winky face emoji).
But don’t worry all you faithful Bachelor followers. There is still going to be plenty of drama. A lot of barking, claw throwing, and fur flying fights. Some of these girls are nuts. And yes, the most hated one will be on a two-on-one with her biggest enemy, only to leave the evil one stranded at the bad side of the dog park – camera slowly gets further away as she shakes her ears in disbelief and ugly cries.
I am also going to be the best dressed Bachelor of all time. Better than Ben Higgins, the virgin Bachelor, Sean Lowe, and yes, even JoJo herself. Her stylists ain’t got nothing on this debonair pooch. I’m always dressed in a tuxedo. Makes all the girls swoon and think you’re really serious about marriage, and all that other mumbo jumbo.
And finally, there will be plenty of romantic date cards to hand out: Life with you is a walk in the park – We’ll have a ball – We rule, We drool – Let’s create our Fairy Tail – A day at the Spaw. You know, cheesy ones like that, with all the perfect dog puns.
After a few months, the journey will sadly end. And after all 26 girls worked so hard to win over my heart, in order for me to get down on bended knee, unfortunately I will turn them all down. There is only one girl that will always win my heart – my mom, Marlee. Sorry for all the wasted time ladies, but we can’t all be winners.
Sure makes for some good television though.