I could have been famous, but I blew it. Marlee had high hopes for me this past Monday on our family photoshoot. She thought that if I cooperated and looked adorable, I would catch my big break in the modeling business – possibly pose for Orvis Magazine Dog Collection or even be on the bags of Purina Dog food in all Pet Smart stores.
That won’t happen now. Let’s just say, I was not born to be in front of the camera.
I mean how can they expect a dog like me to pay attention when I am out in a giant field full of endless possibilities. The camera lady just kept saying “Duke. Duke. Look here Duke.” She went as far as squeaking my toy chicken. But that wasn’t doing it for me. While she was yelling at me, all that was running through my mind was “Squirrel” – “bird” – “Squirrel.” There was no hope.
Then she just kept saying, “show me your best side, Duke.” It seemed weird to me, but she did ask for it. So I turned around and flashed my fuzzy, black butt cheeks in her direction. I mean so many ladies tell me I have an amazing behind – it’s so “fluffy” and “lush” they say. So I assumed that is what she meant by showcasing my best side. However, I don’t think her or Marlee agreed with the dog ladies out there, because they just kept yelling. I guess I might have to Google what your best side means when taking a picture.
Then the camera lady kept telling me to look majestic. Now, I know I write a blog, but how do they expect a dog to know what the word majestic means. I guess I should have let Marlee buy me that Thesaurus for Christmas. So I did what I thought she meant, but I don’t think I nailed it. Marlee said I just looked mad – I thought I looked pretty soulful, intense, and majestic. I guess not. I better start watching America’s Next Top Model to learn how to pose in front of the camera – you know, channel my inner dog model.
So as to be expected, after about 15 minutes, they gave up on me. I was shipped back to the Subaru, never to grace the front of a camera lens again. My modeling career was over before it even began.
All I got from that photo shoot, were some muddy paws, a cold snout, a lot of screaming, and absolutely no treats or squirrels. Life is just so unfair.
But you all be the judge. I don’t think they turned out that awful.