Marlee gave me two dollars and told me to go down to Sunoco and buy myself something called a Powerball Ticket. I automatically got excited. Not only did she give me actual money, but she was allowing me to buy my very own ball. And it didn’t sound like just an ordinary ball – It sounded like a ball that either flew through the air or ran on battery power, rolling across the floor, while dogs like me went crazy chasing it all day long. I was so ‘dog-on’ excited.
But then she brought my joy level down from a solid 11 to a very low 2. “Duke, the Powerball is not a dog toy, it is millions of dollars that you could get if you buy the winning number.” Imagine my disappointment when I heard that. Millions of dollars – What the heck would I do with millions of dollars – Marlee said I couldn’t chew or eat it, and she said I could roll in it for a few minutes, but then it would have to be picked up and put away. What good is having something if you can’t play with it, eat it, or chew on it……..But I took the two dollars anyway, and went down to buy a Powerball ticket, that is apparently worth around $700 million dollars now. Woohooo – so much green paper that I can do absolutely nothing with.
However, after being disappointed for awhile over only having a little white ticket and no flying or battery powered ball, I started pondering what a dog like me would do with all that money (according to Marlee, $700 million is a lot of money). A lot of interesting things came to mind.
My first purchase would be a California King Bed, that rotates in a circle. I would also have it put in a room that had every wall made out of glass, so that I could look outside all day long, watching my favorite cat and dog duo next door. Plus, instead of Marlee and Zach kicking me off the bed, I would be the one doing the kicking off. Marlee can cuddle with me till ten every night, but then she would have to get down on the floor – just kidding; I am not that cruel – she would have to get on her own bed, that doesn’t rotate – How boring is that.
I would then buy myself my very own Mustang Convertible with a personal driver, afterall, I am just a dog – I can’t actually drive – I haven’t passed my driving test yet. Instead of being limited to one or two back windows being rolled down, I would have the entire top of my car off. I would spend all day cruising through Uniontown and Farmington with my ears flapping in the wind. I would get the front seat and Marlee and Zach would have to sit in the back seat on top of a towel, so they don’t dirty my new leather interior. I would clap my paws every now and then while saying: “Driver, turn right here. I want to get myself some Evian Water and a dish of Fancy Feast Kibble for dogs.” I would have all the control.
Of course I would buy myself a diamond studded collar. I am already fly, but a little ‘bling bling’ added to my neck would take me over the top. Move over Snoop Dog, there is only room for one dog in this world, and it is me. I will be a total chick magnet in my diamond collar, but shhhh don’t tell my mom that.
I also might buy myself a gold fang tooth for the heck of it. I probably won’t actually wear it, afterall, my teeth are perfect, but it will be nice to say I have one – Afterall, that is a question I get on a daily basis: “Duke where is your gold fang tooth- Snoop Dog has one.” I don’t know who this Snoop Dog character is, but he is getting on my last nerve – He can’t be the only dog with a gold tooth. Plus I will be able to say my one tooth is worth $1 million – not many people can say that.
And of course I would buy myself a lifetime supply of rawhides, greenies, moist n’ meaty treats, and squeaky ducks. I can rip the head and stuffing from a duck a day – I will make sure I have 365 ducks a year.
I would also do some unselfish things with my money, afterall, my mom did raise me right. I would donate some to Fayette Friends Of Animals, the place that took me in and made sure I found my forever home with Marlee and Zach. I would make sure they never ran out of food or toys for the other dogs. I would help my mom and Aunt Brandi pay off their college loans, give my dad the money to pay off his house, I would buy my grandpa (Marlee’s dad) the cabin in the Colorado Rocky Mountains that he always wanted, and I would buy George Strait to personally serenade my grandma (Marlee’s mom) every single day. I would give a little something to the people I love the most. Plus Marlee is the one who made me get the ticket, so she would get a cookie or something for that suggestion.
If I won the Powerball, I would spend my days rotating in my California King Bed, staring out the window, while deciding between chewing on a rawhide or duck. Then I would ride around town for a few hours with a greenie in my paw and my head hanging out in the breeze. Oh, what a life with $700 million would be.
I mean I still prefer a flying or battery powered ball to play with all day, but I guess $700 million would be okay too. My excitement level raised from a low two to about a mid-range five.