Should Have Been Mark Twain

I’m not one for speaking. I have difficulty communicating in that sense. But put a keyboard in front of my nose and I start composing a masterpiece. 

I don’t speak human. I don’t know sign language and I guess my barks aren’t easy to understand. Whenever I start talking, I usually just get smiled at creepily and asked about a hundred times what I want. I got a bladder full of water and a belly full of kibble mom, what do you think I need. But with my writing, no one misunderstands me. My words are clear and my words are important. Whether I’m talking about world peace or the latest fashion craze, humans understand me and they like what I have to say. Everyone Oohhs and Aahhs and says that they can’t believe such a work of art was written by a pooch. Well lift your jaws off of the floor folks, because it was. I may have been raised in a kennel for most of my life, but I am not a fool. My name should have been Mark Twain, because let’s be honest, I do okay at throwing together a mean blog post. But my name is Duke, and I am the mastermind and author behind this blog. 

 Writing a blog isn’t easy. It sometimes takes days to come up with my next idea and then takes extra hours coming up with the right words to say. I’ve never went to school and I certainly did not major in English like Marlee did in college, so putting together sentences with meaning is no simple task. Marlee tells me that a thesaurus and dictionary could help out, but I have no clue what those two things are. They sound like Dinosaur names to me. But I’m sure that is one thing Marlee will throw into my Christmas stocking this year. Yay me. Did she forget, that I am a genius and I don’t need any Dinosaur coming in and helping me write my blog. I got it under control. 

Then there are the silly roadblocks when it comes to writing a blog post. Like the fact that my nails have not been cut in weeks and I can’t even touch the correct key on the keyboard. Does Marlee think I can work under these conditions. I am not one of those New Jersey babes. I need to keep this nail situation under control. I can’t deal with all the typos and my backspace button is nearly worn out. Mom, I’m the one writing the blog post here. I have the hard job. All you have to worry about is making sure I am groomed accordingly so I can easily whip together my next masterpiece. I got a fantastic idea mom. Why don’t you buy me one of those Dragonfly head sets, that way I can lay back and chill with my right paw around a cup of jo. Sounds like the best thing to get a dog for Christmas. Maybe I’ll write about that in my next post. 

You guys might think that it’s easy peasy lemon squeezy writing a blog post, but it’s not. It takes a lot of time, smarts, and dedication, all in which a dog like me struggles to find. I mean, I definitely have the smarts and dedication, but finding the time to compose the best post I can is hard. I mean I have to balance sleeping, eating, and sleeping again around my writing. It’s complicated and I don’t have all sorts of time on my paws. Sometimes I have to cut into my afternoon nap to write my post, which can cause a grouchy dog for Marlee and Zach after they finish a day of working, cleaning, and cooking; you know, doing nothing. I don’t think you humans understand how difficult it is being a dog blogger. We are actually busy during the day. 

This is usually how writing a blog post goes for me. I sit down on the couch, stretch out my left arm, stretch out my right arm, roll my neck in a circle, crack my nuckles, and then get down to business. I don’t mess around. Plus you have to have the essentials nearby. I keep a bowl of kibble on my left side in case I need something to pick at. A growling stomach can be quite the distraction. I also have a bowl of water to my right. Writing so intensely can make you mighty thirsy. After I finish the final sentence, I smile. You have to acknowledge that you just did a good job. Then I go back through about three more times checking for any mistake. I am quite the proofreader. I email it to Marlee. She likes to make sure I wrote a good blog post that won’t offend anyone. I’m a dog mom. Who am I going to offend. I don’t think the dog down the street or the cat next door know how to read. They are just animals. But anyway, it’s nice to get her opinion and have her tell me how well written it is. I mean I already knew it was amazing, but it’s nice to hear someone say it out loud. Finally, it is time to publish this masterpiece for the world to see. I always hope that many people will read it and be impacted by my words. I’m only a dog, but I have some intense thoughts and feelings. I hope you all like it and I hope you all come back for more. 

I know what many of you are probably thinking- I’m just a dog. Well I’m not just a dog. I’m a dog who has a lot to say and a lot to share with the world. 

I am Duke. I am a blogger. I am a writer. I am a dog. 

 

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