‘Trick’ or Give me ‘Treats’ Now!

Trick or Treat. See my little white, doggy feet. Then give me something yummy to eat. If you don’t, i’ll be sad, which will make my mommy, Marlee very mad. 

That is a little jingle Marlee used to say all the kids like her would chant during Halloween night. Of course, I put my own unique spin on it. Afterall, we are living in the 21st century and no one wants to smell dirty feet or see anyone pull down their underwear, especially after walking miles around town in search of the best candy while sweating in Wal-Mart or Target costumes.

Anyway, back to the real focus of this post: Halloween is just around the corner, which means many of you are out searching high and low for the perfect costume. This can be tricky and this can cause a lot of stress. You want to look cute, you want to look hip, you want to grab attention, and you want to be the best. So what are you going to be?

Maybe a princess, maybe a ninja turtle, or maybe a superhero.

Nah….those are so 1999.

It’s time to step up  your game and get with the times. Be unique. Be hilarious. Be cute (not slutty). And be eye-catching.

Here are just a few of Marlee and I’s Halloween costume selections:

1. Be a total white girl. Put on some skinny jeans, a pair of Uggs, a PINK hoodie, platinum blonde hair, while carrying a Michael Kors purse, a Pumpkin Spice Latte, and a selfie stick. Walk with a little sway and stand with your hand on your hip. Work it. Work it. Now pose. Spit out some phrases like “oh my God,” “Totally,” or “As if.” Also, make sure you use the word “like” at least three times in every sentence, while talking to anyone. You got it down. You are the perfect white girl, and maybe if you are lucky, someone will give you a Starbuck’s gift card instead of candy full of carbs.

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2. Be a Oompa Loompa. After all, they are the creators of all things sweet, and  Halloween is all about candy. Of course, only a few can really pull this costume off. You really should be 5 feet or below to make it look legit. A legalized midget would be ideal. This could also give you “total white girls” a chance to do one of your favorite things ever, tan, in order to get that perfect orange glow. Grab a green wig and work on your cute little jingles and dance moves. Put on a brown turtle neck and some sexy white suspenders. Oh yea, you’re looking good. No one can deny you candy, and if they do, just say, “I’m the reason there is candy sir. I’m a freakin Oompa Loompa, and if you don’t feed me, I’ll report you to Willy Wonka himself.”  

3. Be Alex from Target or Jake from State Farm. These are both simple costumes that almost look the exact same. All you need is some Khaki pants, a red shirt, Converse Sneakers, a name tag, and of course a dashing smile to bring it all together. No matter which one you choose to be, you’ll make all the ladies swoon or beg the question to their significant others, “Who are you talking to at three in the morning?” One can help with insurance and one can help bag your shopping items while flexing his muscles and flipping his Justin Bieber blonde locks. Obviously you’re a winner with either costume.

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4. Be some type of deliciously, greasy food. Maybe a hamburger, a piece of pizza, a taco, or some eggs and bacon. It doesn’t matter which one you choose, you will cause everyone’s cholesterol to sky-rocket just by glancing your way. Burger King, McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, and Denny’s will also thank you for all the extra business they receive after trick or treating commences. You should probably get paid for your advertising services. You will look mouth-watering, you will look like a million calories, and you will look absolutely delicious. You better watch out for the vampires roaming around out there. They might sink their fangs into you. But then again, who wouldn’t?

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5. Be Left Shark from Super Bowl 2015. He obviously stole the show with his outrageous dance moves and suave looks, which is exactly what you want to do. Katy Perry had nothing on him and right shark might as well have stayed home that night. Left Shark was the man and he is still the man. Personally, this is my favorite costume choice. Marlee rocked the costume and looked as awkward as Left Shark did at the Super Bowl. Maybe you’ll look so awesome, that you will work your way into the halftime show at Super Bowl 2016. Who knows. While wearing a Left Shark costume, you are unstoppable and anything is possible. But if anyone does try to stop you, just take a bite out of them. Afterall, you are a shark and you are fierce.

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So Halloween is only a few days away. What will you choose to be? Whatever it is, just remember, keep your smelly feet and underwear out of it.

“Giddy Up Cowboy.”
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