Marlee and me took a drive today after she got off work. She came home, opened the door, and was greeted by my wagging tail and my dashing smile. She grabbed my leash and said, “Do you want to come on a car ride with me?”
Was she kidding? Did she even have to ask that silly question? Of course I wanted to go on a car ride. They are only my favorite thing in the whole entire Universe.
Car rides to me are like amusment park rides for the thrill seekers. You wait in line in anticipation, your gut fills with excitement, and you start squirming all around waiting for your turn and hoping that you get the front seat. Once you reach the front of the line, you hop into the seat, buckle up, and get ready for the ride of a lifetime.
For me, it goes like this: bolt to the car, sniff uncontrollably at the door, jump into the back seat on the right side, and smash my nose against the window until Marlee rolls it down halfway. When there is a smudge left on the middle of the window, you know I was raring to go.
I’m impatient and picky when it comes to my car rides. I want the car to start right away and I want my window rolled down the perfect amount. If I can’t stick my whole head out and most of my neck, then something is not right and I will let Marlee know. I take these rides very seriously. Afterall, it only happens about once or twice a week. I got to make it count.
Once the radio turns on and Marlee puts the car in reverse, I know it’s time for the real fun to start.
I think my favorite part of car rides is feeling the breeze blow through my lushious locks. The perfect speed for me is between 40 mph and 50 mph. When we reach that speed, my ears start slicking back and my lips start flapping like hummingbird wings. That’s when you know it’s going to be a good ride. What can I say, I got the need for speed and I got it bad.
Unfortunatey, I don’t think Marlee is too fond of the whole lips flapping in the wind thing, because slobber tends to squirt out of the corners of my mouth onto the car window. I guess it is a good thing they invented Windex.
I also enjoy jamming out to the radio on our car ride anventures. Sometimes I even bark or howl to the beat. I know Marlee is probably thinking ‘don’t quit your day job,’ but I don’t have a day job, so I guess I’ll keep singing ‘Shake it Off’ at the top of my lungs like a boss.
I also discovered that if I pull my head back in from the window during a song, a nice pounding noise will begin. I think it adds a nice beat to the song, almost as good as something Skrillex puts together on the turn table. However, I don’t think that Marlee agrees. She always starts yelling at me and threatening to roll the window up. Some people are so uptight and just simply don’t understand true music when they hear it. But I listen to her anyway and stick my head back out into the wind. Afterall, I don’t want my window going up.
I also enjoy saying ‘hello’ to the passing cars and people. When we are stopped at a traffic light, I enjoy smiling at the little children in the back seat of the car next to me. I want them to see my pearly white teeth. Afterall, it took a lot of dental sticks and raw hide bones to get them that shiny and strong. Marlee always tells me to stop showing my teeth to small children because they might think I am trying to eat them. But I disagree. The happy tears streaming down their cheeks tell me otherwise.
I then try to speak to the pedestrians walking on the sidewalks. I say, “Hello there! How are you all doing today? It is a great day for a car ride, don’t you think?” However, Marlee says it comes out more like, “Woof. Woof. Bark. Bark. Bark. I want to bite your face off.” I think I have a friendly tone to my voice, but I guess to humans it can be a tad concerning when a black dog like me is barking at them uncontrollably. I guess I should listen to Marlee and keep my barking to a minimum and just wag my tail.
Finally, I love curling up in the back seat and taking a snooze. Let me tell you what, even a queen mattress doesn’t compare to napping in the back seat of a car. You have a nice vibration massaging you, there is peaceful music playing in the background, and a nice breeze blowing in from the window. I even go as far as rolling onto my back and doing the spread eagle on the seat. The wind hitting my undercarraige is the most enjoyable feeling in the world. Nothing can bring my mood down when I’m sprawled out snoozing in the back of a car……………………
Oh wait, there is something.
The car jerks to a stop, Marlee rolls up my window, and turns off the vehicle.
“Car ride is over, Duke. It’s time to go back in the house.”
“Way to ruin the day mom. I was only enjoying life back here.”
I reluctantly get out of the car, but of course leave clups of my hair and puddles of my slobber in the back seat for Marlee to clean up.
I don’t feel bad. She deserves it. Afterall, she stopped the best ride of my life.
I better get to go on another one again tomorrow.